If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again

by admin on March 16, 2010

I have an adorable two year old, but for the past year, I’ve been trying for another baby, and had a third miscarriage in January. For the past couple of months I have been feeling pretty disheartened by the whole thing. It has taken up most of my energy and focus and has been quite depressing especially, when everyone around you is pregnant or has just had a baby. I even lost interest in writing/blogging!

Tests, test and more tests: Last year I had lots of tests (and spent a fortune – for some strange reason my health insurance covers fertility issues but not recurrent miscarriage – go figure!!!) at St. Mary’s Hospital under Raj Rai, part of the best recurrent miscarriage specialist team in the country, to find out why I keep miscarrying. The difficulty is they are never 100% sure why you miscarry, especially before 12 weeks, but one thing that did show up was scarring in the uterus (otherwise known as Asherman’s Syndrome), probably due to the D&Cs I have had to have.

The advice: Surgery to fix it (hysteroscopical division of intrauterine adhesions). However, despite it being a fairly minor procedure, I am THE WORST person when it comes to surgery and will avoid it if at all possible. I’ve had four general anaesthetics since the birth of my daughter just over two years ago, and each time I am terrified I won’t wake up.

So initially I decided against the surgery and that we’d try one more time. But after the third miscarriage, I changed my mind. Yesterday I had the surgery and yet another general anaesthetic. Despite being a petrified, quaking mess, I did it, and I’m glad. I’ve got two coils fitted and am on HRT(!) for a month, hopefully to prevent the scarring recurring.

I’m not one for giving up, so as soon as I’m fit and healthy again, I’ll be getting right back on that horse (so to speak ;)).

Next pregnancy: When my daughter was born, she was 2.2kg and I had pre-eclampsia. Blood tests show my blood clots too quickly so I have to give myself daily injections of heparin (fun! fun! fun!) and take aspirin. Plus I have to take progesterone. The challenge will be to relax, which everyone keeps telling me – but it’s easier said than done.

I don’t think you ever realise it might be hard to have a baby. People take it for granted that it will just happen. Sadly there lots of women out there struggling too.

For now, I’m going to put everything that’s happened so far behind me, enjoy myself for a couple of months, go on holiday, take it easy and make the most of my time with my two year old.

Useful links:

What is Asherman’s Syndrome?

What is a hysteroscopy?

{ 4 comments }

angelsandurchinsblog March 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

That sounds an awful lot to take in, no wonder it’s hard to think about anything else. Deep breaths, chocolate, laughing with friends… You’ll get there, and are moving in such a positive direction by doing all the right things with the help of all the right people. Feel for you, it’s not easy.

angelsandurchinsblog March 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

That sounds an awful lot to take in, no wonder it’s hard to think about anything else. Deep breaths, chocolate, laughing with friends… You’ll get there, and are moving in such a positive direction by doing all the right things with the help of all the right people. Feel for you, it’s not easy.

scribblingmum March 17, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Thats an awful lot to deal with to even think about feeling like you HAVE to do blogging too. You’re right, enjoy your daughter, get some relaxing time and see where life takes you. As ever its easier said than done but I think there’s alot to be said for positive thinking so it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Don’t be too hard on yourself :)

scribblingmum March 17, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Thats an awful lot to deal with to even think about feeling like you HAVE to do blogging too. You’re right, enjoy your daughter, get some relaxing time and see where life takes you. As ever its easier said than done but I think there’s alot to be said for positive thinking so it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Don’t be too hard on yourself :)

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