fertility

A month in the life of a DTGP

by 21stcenturymummy on July 20, 2011

I wrote a while ago, when I was trying for a baby, but never got around to publishing it.

Being DTGP (desperate to get pregnant) can make you a little obsessive and a little crazy. Each month you go through the same rollercoaster. This is my take on it.

A month in the life of a DTGP goes something a bit like this.

Day 1 – Sees the arrival of Aunt Flo. Check you’re stocked up with at least 30 different supplements, chinese herbs, homeopathic remedies. Make sure your good luck charms and crystals are by your bed/under your pillow. Do anything else you’ve been told (superstitious or otherwise) that might help you get pregnant.

Day 2 – Reflexology session to ensure you are destressed, come out feeling very relaxed. This feeling lasts all of 10 minutes when you get home to your children screaming.

Day 3 – Get some acupuncture, hate needles, but somehow manage to conquer your deepest fears for something this important.

Day 4 – See a healer (reason as above), in fact see anyone who will take your money. The more you do, the better you feel.

Day 6 – Get out the ovulation sticks. Disappointment because no smiley face :(

Day 7-9 – Test again for the elusive smiley face. Feel positivity flagging.

Day 10 – Still no smiley face, think you obviously have no eggs left and must be going through the menopause. Be grumpy and emotional all day. Rant at OH. Start doing a test both in the morning and at night.

Day 12 – Hurray, smiley face on stick. Feeling elated :). Call OH to let him know about smiley face and that he has to cancel playing football/meeting his mates (delete as appropriate) as you need him for far more important things. Get cross when he doesn’t share your enthusiasm.

Have sex, because you have to. Try hard to pretend otherwise.

Day 13 – Have sex again, because you have to.

Day 15 – Examine your body for signs of pregnancy. Do you need the loo more? Are your boobs bigger? Any sensation in your tummy?

Hope, pray, do visualisation, think positive thoughts.

Day 15 – Convince yourself you are having pregnancy symptoms

Day 20 – 25 – Go to chemist and buy 25 pregnancy tests. Do one every morning, one at lunchtime and one in the evening – all negative.

Day 25-28 – Keep doing the tests, just in case.

Day 1 – Aunt Flo arrives again, last glimmer of hope fades. Cry, shout, scream, feel like a failure. Have a bottle of wine (or two) to drown your sorrows.

Wake up with a headache AND start the process all over again

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I have an adorable two year old, but for the past year, I’ve been trying for another baby, and had a third miscarriage in January. For the past couple of months I have been feeling pretty disheartened by the whole thing. It has taken up most of my energy and focus and has been quite depressing especially, when everyone around you is pregnant or has just had a baby. I even lost interest in writing/blogging!

Tests, test and more tests: Last year I had lots of tests (and spent a fortune – for some strange reason my health insurance covers fertility issues but not recurrent miscarriage – go figure!!!) at St. Mary’s Hospital under Raj Rai, part of the best recurrent miscarriage specialist team in the country, to find out why I keep miscarrying. The difficulty is they are never 100% sure why you miscarry, especially before 12 weeks, but one thing that did show up was scarring in the uterus (otherwise known as Asherman’s Syndrome), probably due to the D&Cs I have had to have.

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